...right here for your very much wish-fulfillment

Genies are known for shapeshifting, the manipulation of weather, and in some cases bending reality on certain levels. All your problems solved. There are no guarantees but this lamp certainly looks like the real deal. Give it a rub and see if there's a studly Genie with a six-pack inside. That'd be a wish granted enough. Gift this to your girlfriend whose head is in the clouds or try your luck with Brasso to ready it for this season's gravy. Whatever the cause, your wish for the unnecessary is granted.

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